Not quite the plan

on finding my groove as a 30 something single girl and caregiver for mom with dementia

Off to the doctor?


Mom does not like the doctor.  We spent a good long time — months — fighting over whether she would be seeing any doctor at all, ever, for her very obvious memory problem after my father passed away.  I used every possible approach from flat out yelling to enthusiastic, cheerful daughter to desperate coaxing to, well, you get the picture.

Finally, she agreed with the critical caveats that the doctor had to be a male (no comment) and must be funny or she would not deign to return.  Why humor is my mother’s primary requirement for a doctor, I do not know but happily her doctor passed the test.  He even handled Mom declaring, “I do not like going to the doctor,” as her written sentence in the mental status test with some grace.

We moved some distance from our one approved doctor however so I started looking for a new one and made an appointment a few months ago.  Mom dragged her feet enough on the way to that first appointment that I scheduled with a new doctor that we finally arrived well past the appointment time window.  Mom’s resistance was so frustrating to me that I actually burst into tears in front of the receptionist who delivered the news that we would have to reschedule.  One full afternoon of my vacation time from work wasted.  So I rescheduled.  On the day of the second appointment attempt, Mom got in bed and told me she needed a nap and that she would not be going back to Finland.  Apparently our 15 minute drive had felt unacceptably lengthy to her.  That sent another afternoon of my precious vacation time down the drain.

Tomorrow is try number 3 with a doctor located a mere 5 minute drive from our house.  In fact, we might even walk.  Let’s wish me luck in getting Mom up, dressed, out the door and fully delivered to her appointment.


Author: notquitetheplan

I am a mid-30s single girl, trying to climb the ladder, get a date... and make sure Mom takes her meds. It's not where I expected to be. But it's where I am and this blog is about embracing that.

3 thoughts on “Off to the doctor?

  1. I had a different problem. Mom loved going to the doctor. When a doctor referred her to a new specialist, it was like a present to her. The frustration arose because she expected them to fix her without medication or surgery. So we’d go see a doctor and then she wouldn’t want to do anything they suggested. Mom had a lot of auto-immune issues that are very difficult to pinpoint or label. We could treat symptoms, but no one could say, “You have thus and by doing this, you will be fixed.” I had the idea of homeopathic medicine, but she pooh-poohed it, because “they weren’t real doctors,” not that the real doctors were helping much. After three years of full time care-giving to a beloved maiden aunt, my dad and my mom, all I can say is find the joy and do everything you can to avoid regrets. I’m not a care-giver anymore, and even though I wouldn’t want to repeat those days, I also cherish them.

    • I absolutely feel that way. I know that I will cherish (almost all of) my memories from this time. It is good to be here and do what I need to do. I rather wish for the doctor interactions to be easier but we will figure it out eventually…

  2. Sending lots of good thoughts your way as you attempt a doctor’s visit today.

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