Not quite the plan

on finding my groove as a 30 something single girl and caregiver for mom with dementia

Getting help.


Some time ago, I called a friend in the midst of a crying mini nervous breakdown about how I could not handle my life.  Her immediate response was, hire help.

As a serious do it yourselfer, I could see the wisdom of her suggestion but it seemed expensive and just not quite natural.  Well, six months or so later, and after a few different kinds of scares, I am finally taking her advice.  We just met with a home caregiver service who will be sending someone later this week.

It will be an adjustment for me but adjusting to things that do not feel normal are what this seems to be all about. And the relief of both knowing that Mom will have consistent support and me getting some help with the never-ending laundry pile is sounding more and more awesome.


Author: notquitetheplan

I am a mid-30s single girl, trying to climb the ladder, get a date... and make sure Mom takes her meds. It's not where I expected to be. But it's where I am and this blog is about embracing that.

7 thoughts on “Getting help.

  1. My husband was chronically ill for 13 years, and in steady decline the last 8. There were times I felt on the verge of a nervous breakdown. Trust me, your friend is right. Take the help.

  2. This is a wonderful idea. Before Anthony went into the nursing home, we had nursing carers come to the house twice a week so I could go to work.

  3. Good for you. (And mom). Help at home is still cheaper than a room in a care institution and better for the long haul.

  4. Next to getting a POA, that may be my number one tip as an Elder Lawyer and caregiver myself. Get Help. Do not hesitate and use the help to the Nth degree. If they are there for a half-hour make it jam packed. That was my first mistake, I underestimated how much I was doing in an hour and didn’t guide them to do as much. If Mom is cared for, bathed, and sleeping, they can do laundry, dishes, dusting, straightening up, clean out the refrigerator. They are HOME health aides that includes home, so get your money’s worth.

  5. Thanks to all of you for these comments. It feels like a big step but the best one for Mom (and for me too!) I appreciate the comment to use the time for house help also as we could certainly use it!

  6. I assume you live in the Northern hemisphere … do you receive government assistance for this? I am starting a consultancy to assist families to access services so they can keep their loved ones at home for longer. I would love to hear your thoughts and understand the emotions leading up to your decision to accept/request help/services/assistance.
    [FYI Thanks for this awesome blog, you are strong and wonderful, and i look forward to understanding more about your journey xx]

    • Thanks for the nice comment! I would be happy to chat about this somehow. I do not receive govt assistance though have a private insurance policy that will kick in and was a huge factor for me. Overall, I have a strong inclination to keep my mother home with me as long as possible rather than putting her in a facility and I believe that getting more home based care assistance will allow her to be with me longer.

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