Not quite the plan

on finding my groove as a 30 something single girl and caregiver for mom with dementia



So I have noticed a disturbing trend over the past week or two of everyone talking about Mom in front of her.  And she feels it.  She has made a couple of comments that indicate that she is feeling dismissed or disrespected.  

Today, I had to rush off on her for a work meeting and she made a comment that she was just trash.  That one really made me sad because I think Mom has legitimate cause to feel that she is being brushed aside or not taken seriously sometimes. 

To be fair to all of us, it is difficult.  Mom communicates a lot less.  She does not have a lot of insight into her dementia or her medical history and will not be the person taking the follow up steps.  So some of these conversations have to happen around her.  Or it can be more efficient that way and especially when interacting with doctors that seems to be their preference.  But, not so long ago, Mom was consistently the most together and capable person in any group.  She feels the difference in how people treat her.

I struggle with how to keep Mom feeling respected for her life and experience while being realistic about her current  capabilities.  I should try to make more of a point to ask her opinion or defer to her where I can.  Showing her love is a part but she needs to feel respected, included, and heard too. 


Author: notquitetheplan

I am a mid-30s single girl, trying to climb the ladder, get a date... and make sure Mom takes her meds. It's not where I expected to be. But it's where I am and this blog is about embracing that.

4 thoughts on “Trash.

  1. Oh so hard! I feel for you both. But you are aware and caring and there is no one who could do it better. Thank you for sharing the struggle.

  2. Occasionally people, usually some type of medical staff, will talk only to me. So, I understand to a degree. What I usually do in those cases is ask mom if she heard what they said, but my mom doesn’t have dementia. It usually gets the point across that the person I am sitting next to is a human being and helps mom feel included in the conversation.
    Sending you blessings. And don’t forget to take the time to take care of your and be strong enough to ask for help when you need it.

    • I do the same ask mom if she heard ….I include mom with everything while she still understands some she trusts my judgment , it makes her feel like she has control …. I get upset when they ask if mom is her own person in front of her …. meaning Em I her POA.

  3. My mom would give me a look like I can speak for myself. Unfortunately, her speech was really slurred. It was a task having a conversation with her doctor. The doctor was really great though. She would ask my mom a direct question, my mom would answer and the doctor would look over at me for a yes or no nod.

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