Not quite the plan

on finding my groove as a 30 something single girl and caregiver for mom with dementia

No one told me that.


When conversations turns to whether for instance my sister is my mother’s daughter or the daughter of someone else, Mom often comments to us, “No one told me that!”  It is clear that for her, it feels like a reasonable response to being told that she is the mother of her daughter.

Or that my sister is my sister.

Or that her husband is dead.

“No one told me that.”  It’s a strangely humorous comment from my perspective though for Mom, a fair reaction.  No one has told her that she gave birth to me some thirtysome years ago.  Never mind that up until a few months ago, she didn’t need anyone to tell her any such thing.

And she likes to use it for smaller ideas too.  Likely as a result of having much enjoyed the role of hosting people over the course of her life, Mom often talks about having a party.  According to her, we are often getting ready for a party.  And when I point out that there is no party today, I hear, “no one told me that!”  Meaning, no one told me in the my existing memory, which may extend back only a few seconds.

I am tempted to use it myself.  I am supposed to be in to work at 9am?  No one told me that!  I am supposed to submit my reports on time?  No one told me that!   You are my boss?  No one told me that!



Author: notquitetheplan

I am a mid-30s single girl, trying to climb the ladder, get a date... and make sure Mom takes her meds. It's not where I expected to be. But it's where I am and this blog is about embracing that.

3 thoughts on “No one told me that.

  1. I love it! I’m borrowing that phrase.

  2. I just heard that phrase from my neighbor, Miss D last night. Of course, I know she has been told she will have a live-in person to help her now. In the evening, she just won’t accept hearing that someone did tell her. I tried to think about how she feels. It’s hard for us to respond to our loved ones after they ask that question. As you said so perfectly – “Meaning, no one told me in the my existing memory, which may extend back only a few seconds.” Thank you for this post today. I needed to see some humor, too, in it.

  3. This is a lovely post, and kudos to your mother for coming up with an ingenious phrase to cover a variety of situations! All my best, Hallie

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