Not quite the plan

on finding my groove as a 30 something single girl and caregiver for mom with dementia

The caree still cares.

7 Comments

So, my sister suffers from a disability and has lived with Mom basically her entire life.  Mom has spent a substantial amount of her life energy as a caregiver to my sister, worrying about her and loving her through some serious ups and downs.

When Mom was hospitalized a few months ago– having completely passed out– when she came to in the middle of the night, she asked the nurse to call home to check on my sister. When I visited and understood her mental state later that day, I was shocked that she had been able to articulate that need to the nurse.

No matter how many other things Mom may be forgetting, she remembers to care for my sister. She asks how she is doing. She looks in on her. Mom reminds me to be gentle to Sis and how much harder life is for her. It amazes me how solid this relationship remains even as Mom forgets all else. To Sis, Mom almost consistently demonstrates compassion and concern. Today she stopped Sis to ask if she was feeling downtrodden, a question I certainly am never asked. The amount she can do may be more limited, but Mom always remembers to try.

These days of course my sister cares for Mom more than vice versa which has been a beautiful reversal. But Mom will never see it that way.

I can only conclude that love is a deep habit. My mother’s instinct to protect and shelter her younger daughter comes from her deepest feelings. It remains strong when so many other memories and thoughts fade away. I have watched as the circle of people Mom remembers tightens from the many she used to entertain and correspond with a few years ago to just remembering those closest few today.

One day the loving concern for Sis will also fade. But not without a valiant fight from Mom to keep caring as she knows only a mother can.

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Author: notquitetheplan

I am a mid-30s single girl, trying to climb the ladder, get a date... and make sure Mom takes her meds. It's not where I expected to be. But it's where I am and this blog is about embracing that.

7 thoughts on “The caree still cares.

  1. Am I reading this correctly, that you have two people in your home that you are caring for?

  2. I didn’t pick up on that either…. BIG respect to you!

  3. “I can only conclude that love is a deep habit.” And you are also developing that sweet habit. You are learning eternal things that no one can take away. It will be worth it.

  4. Excellent way of describing, and good paragraph to take facts regarding my presentation focus, which i am going to deliver in institution of higher education.

  5. I will right away seize your rss feed as I can’t in finding your e-mail subscription link or newsletter service.
    Do you have any? Kindly let me understand so that I may subscribe.

    Thanks.

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