Like today. Where I actually mix up words as I say them. I obviously know all the right words but I hear them coming out of my mouth in a slightly wrong order. And it takes me three trips back upstairs to gather everything together to be ready to go to the doctor’s office. Some days I forget things that should be easy to remember, like what book I finished just a few days before. And it scares me.
Do not be confused. I am not actually scared that I have dementia right now. Odds are good that I get it one day, but my plan is to worry about that then. But what scares me is how far my life is stretching me. My brain can only juggle so many loose ends and unresolved questions. I need to pick up the meds, call the assisted care place, find the missing toilet paper, pay the bills, talk to the caregiver about hours, and take the random items out of the freezer that Mom has stashed there. And when did she last have a glass of water?
And too, I find myself feeling that I need to remember everything I have shared with Mom since if I forget, then those memories are gone forever. So I want to hold on to the memories of a happy family. Of my competent mother.
Which leaves my mind full of these memories and worries and the endless things to do. My brain is simply too full and stretched by the crazy life of mine. And so I find myself grasping for the right word. Just like someone with dementia. Just like Mom.
Not quite the plan 
April 18, 2015 at 2:51 pm
I know exactly what you are taling about – but I’m 60 so it is slightly more worrying that it IS the beginning of dementia! The reassuring thing is my friends are all the same and we have ridiculous conversations about books we’ve read or films we’ve seen with none of us remembering the title or author or the names of the actors in the film. There’s lots of “you know, him, the one who was in what’s it called?”
April 18, 2015 at 4:11 pm
It’s been proven that being able to multitask is a myth. Add the stress and emotions that go along with being a caregiver and you’re even more handicapped. You’re doing a fine job. I celebrate you on your caregiving journey.
April 18, 2015 at 5:31 pm
Big warm hugs! I know the feeling very well. I feel like I am thinking and doing everything for two people from one body and one brain. Sometimes our brains are so on over-load how can we not have memory problems. Bless you for being there for your mom, you both are in my prayers.
April 18, 2015 at 6:58 pm
I feel the same way.
April 18, 2015 at 9:12 pm
I won’t negate your struggle, but I will say your words are coming out pretty good online.
April 19, 2015 at 12:02 am
Enjoy every moment and don’t worry about forgetting. Whatever I forget, I tell myself it’s no disaster. My mother has forgotten so much and she doesn’t mind, so I don’t… ❤
April 19, 2015 at 1:09 am
I can totally relate. I have post-its all over my desk and I still forget stuff. It sounds like you have A LOT on your plate. You’re doing a wonderful job taking care of your mom, but we humans can only do so much. Don’t forget to take care of you.
April 20, 2015 at 9:19 am
After this weekend, I feel exactly the same. My brain has totally turned to mush. Most unproductive day at work ever – though did get a lot of MIL’s post-move change of address admin sorted!
April 23, 2015 at 11:30 pm
I totally get what you are saying! As soon as I read the title – I knew. You expressed it in such a clear and enjoyable manner, too. I think I have met you – oh! Wait! You are me! lol
April 27, 2015 at 9:16 pm
Thanks Tracy!
June 1, 2015 at 5:38 am
I am reading your posts with such admiration and empathy.