Not quite the plan

on finding my groove as a 30 something single girl and caregiver for mom with dementia

Wrong side of the bed.


I put Mom to bed almost every night.  On occasion, she heads there herself.  Every now and then, someone other than me does the tucking in.  But for most of the past couple of years, it has been me.  When she lets me, I help her into pajamas.  I pull back the covers, take off her glasses and set them on the dresser.

Tonight she was exhausted and before I could pull back the covers, she lay down on top of the bed.  The wrong side of the bed.  Everything in me recoiled at the sight of Mom on the left side inside of the right side where she belongs.

Mom has slept on the right side of the bed, well, always.  My dad had the left and Mom had the right.  This was true through various houses and room arrangements.  And I have watched her maintain her side clearly over the past couple of years, even with no one sleeping on the other side of the bed next to her.

Until tonight.  When she lay down to go to sleep on the wrong side of the bed.  I wanted to move her and yet, nothing about that would make sense– other than it fixing for a moment my need to keep things the same that they have always been.

But things are not the same.  As of today, Mom does not remember a habit of at 45 years.


Author: notquitetheplan

I am a mid-30s single girl, trying to climb the ladder, get a date... and make sure Mom takes her meds. It's not where I expected to be. But it's where I am and this blog is about embracing that.

4 thoughts on “Wrong side of the bed.

  1. My heart breaks for you and I know exactly what you mean here.

  2. All I can do is echo jmgoyder above. It breaks my heart and I have experienced similar situations with my mother. Big hug to you.

  3. I’m going to love following you…my mom’s been gone for three weeks and I’m going to think of you taking care of your own mom.
    I loved getting my mom ready for bed. I think because I also was an aide before I became a nurse, there is something special about it.
    Changes will come. I think it’s us that has a harder time with it.

  4. You are a remarkable woman. Your kind, patient strength in caring for your mother so lovingly despite the ‘thousand natural shocks that flesh is heir to’ resonates with beauty. But please, please, don’t be afraid to ask for and accept help any and every time that you need it, or you won’t have the continued resources to do this generous and touching work of love. Every bit of help *you* allow yourself will benefit your mother further, and aid your survival and peace when the inevitable time arrives where you can no longer care for her so independently or her sojourn ends. You are a great gift to her, and also, as our teacher through your blog, to all of us who face similar challenges and changes with our loved ones. I thank you and wish you and your mother all good and joyful things as you continue your journey together.
    Peace and love,

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