Not quite the plan

on finding my groove as a 30 something single girl and caregiver for mom with dementia

Some things stay the same.


I was of course nervous for my first visit to Mom at the facility.  She had been so reluctant walking in and had always expressed opposition to the inevitable move. 

But I was pleasantly surprised.  Mom was in a good mood.  We sat together and chatted in our usual way of some sense and some nonsense.  And then, out of the blue, Mom corrected my grammar in her best imperious schoolteacher tone. 

And suddenly all felt right with the world.  Mom was herself, we were connecting and we were both okay. 

It amazes me these glimpses of Mom as she always was.  She is still herself underneath all the messiness in her brain.

But to update, now it has been a couple of weeks and things are good.  Mom has some particular buddies at the facility.  She knows which room is hers.  And one tired daughter gets to go out at night again!


Author: notquitetheplan

I am a mid-30s single girl, trying to climb the ladder, get a date... and make sure Mom takes her meds. It's not where I expected to be. But it's where I am and this blog is about embracing that.

11 thoughts on “Some things stay the same.

  1. I am glad that this is working out well, for both of you.

  2. Pleased to hear your seems to be settled.

  3. Sorry, hit post before noticing I’d missed out the word mum – the most important word in the sentence!

  4. Glad to see time has brought a more restful situation and that you both benefit from it. A good change.

  5. What a delightful gift your mother’s new residence has proven to be for the both of you.

  6. Great news, it sounds like your mother is adjusting well. Correcting your grammar, love that!

  7. You know, I think there are little pieces for both you and your mom that needed the separation. It’s not easy to be in the same house taking care of her, and it’s not easy for her to be in the same house being taken care of. She probably feels less of a burden and maybe a little more independence (even though it’s likely not the case). Getting that pressure and stress of obligation and responsibility out of the picture can really help the relationship. Personally, being able to have a more meaningful relationship with my mother in the time we have left together has been well worth the feeling that I was abandoning her or shirking my duties to take care of her. Enjoy it. You get to go visit her and she gets the enjoyment of being visited. Your time together will be that much more precious and special because you aren’t spending every waking and sleeping moment together anymore. And it gives you things to talk about!

  8. I’m so glad to hear this. Just reading your writing makes me miss my mom. We share such similar things. There will be highs and lows. I remember when I first dropped Mom off, I saw her like three weeks in a row. Finally my husband said…its ok to not go one day. You always feel a sense of guilt.
    My advice? Continue to do for yourself. I tried to do that with friends and I found yoga a comfort. Enjoy your time together.

  9. Just checking in and catching up on posts – sorry long time no post! Glad to hear the transition seems to be going as well as it can do – hope you’re okay as well.

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