Not quite the plan

on finding my groove as a 30 something single girl and caregiver for mom with dementia


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The sudden insight.

It was my birthday the other day.  I have low expectations for Mom on such occasions but she managed to surprise me.

Mom was up early which is a depressing new pattern, eliminating the slim window of time that I used to have for myself.  She has woken me up early every day for the past week.  Even my serious morning grumpiness does not seem to stop her!  (Even well into the dementia, Mom encountered a mug one day while we were shopping that said, “I drink coffee for your protection.”  She insisted on purchasing it for me.)

So Mom was in my room around 6am on my birthday and wanted to talk.  She told me it was a special day, much to my surprise that she remembered.  Her remembering it kind of made my birthday.  But then she wanted to talk more seriously, and told me she did not want to be an imposition.  I shrugged it off thinking she was referring to the immediate conversation but a moment later she commented that all of this was happening at the wrong time for me.  She mentioned my sister’s issues as well, which made me convinced that she was trying to communicate something bigger.

It’s impossible to be completely sure of Mom’s meaning in these kinds of conversations but I am fairly confident that she was trying to communicate that she does worry about burdening me at this point in my life.  It was a rare moment of insight for Mom.   I appreciated her being in mom role toward me and wanting to take care of me for a moment.   Though I hope she does not worry about that often, it was rather a birthday present to know that she had any concept of this.

Also, after dinner that evening she disappeared into her room to retrieve her gift for me.  She never returned, so there may possibly be something hidden away.  And if not, there certainly was a full intention.