Not quite the plan

on finding my groove as a 30 something single girl and caregiver for mom with dementia


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Getting to know you.

One of the reasons that I wrote about Nothusband the other day is because I have been struck Mom’s relationship with him.  In spite of having only met Nothusband while navigating rather serious memory loss, Mom has a genuine friendship with him. 

In the same way that Mom tends to remember her emotions and whether it’s a good or bad day, she knows she likes Nothusband. 

This past weekend, the three of us took an excursion to a local park to enjoy a beautiful fall day.  Mom took me aside at one point to tell me what a good husband Nothusband is.  Later she found another opportunity to make the same point.

She has clearly decided that she likes him, trusts him, looks forward to spending time with him, and approves of him as a partner for me.  How does one make these assessments — or more importantly– trust them without a reliable memory?  Perhaps Nothusband was just being nice on our Sunday outing while typically acting like a selfish pig toward me?  How would Mom know? 

And yet she knows something about the people around her.  She trusts herself on this.  Mom has opinions on her caregivers and various other people who come through her life these days.  Perhaps it is the memory of what emotions they evoke in her.  Perhaps it is more of a gut feeling.  Whatever it is, it is not her memory. 

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