Not quite the plan

on finding my groove as a 30 something single girl and caregiver for mom with dementia

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Self care commitment.

Self care is happening.  My resevoirs are depleted and someyhing needs to change.

So, I have committed myself to 10 minute morning yoga and/ or meditation every morning for the rest of this month.  This really should be manageable every day.  (Ot at least as close as possible to that!) 

I am hoping of course to turn this into a more regular habit.   But making a long term commitment feels daunting so I am starting here. 

Let’s go self care!



Getting help.

Some time ago, I called a friend in the midst of a crying mini nervous breakdown about how I could not handle my life.  Her immediate response was, hire help.

As a serious do it yourselfer, I could see the wisdom of her suggestion but it seemed expensive and just not quite natural.  Well, six months or so later, and after a few different kinds of scares, I am finally taking her advice.  We just met with a home caregiver service who will be sending someone later this week.

It will be an adjustment for me but adjusting to things that do not feel normal are what this seems to be all about. And the relief of both knowing that Mom will have consistent support and me getting some help with the never-ending laundry pile is sounding more and more awesome.

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Ah, balance.

This post should probably be titled the complete and utter lack of balance in my life.  So, like many people, I made a new year’s resolution this year to exercise more.  The funny thing about this is that I used to be in reasonably good shape.  I have memories of biking to work, regular yoga classes, getting to the gym often enough.

I am not saying that I was perfect but I did pay attention to this area of life.  And then… So many of my stories now seem to go back to this moment.  And then my father died and everything shifted.  I think I made it to the gym twice in a one year period.  LA Fitness really got an amazing deal of out my membership, since of course, cancelling a fitness club membership was beyond my capacity for that same year!

So here I am with a new year’s resolution to go to the gym.  And I am doing it, all of once a week, when I get my pathetic self to Zumba class. As I said, the complete and utter lack of balance.  In the end I get a lot of hours at my job, some socializing there, and then Mom time.  One of my parenting friends suggested home videos but thus far, I cannot get those to stick.  When I am home, I find the to do list too staggering to focus on myself for long.

I have these lofty goals to add a second weekly class.  Craziness.  And yet, shockingly difficult.

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Calling in sick.

So, I have a full time job.  And I need it to pay the rent, the student loans and the rest of the nonsense. 

Mom no longer is interested in such things.  She likes her ice cream and watching movies with me.  Every day she asks what I am doing tomorrow and about 4 of 5 times that I say I have to go to work, she suggests that I call in sick.  She even typically suggests that she could do the call for me since I think she imagines me unable to fake sickness as effectively.  She does some terrible fake coughs to demonstrate her superior faking sick abilities. 

Sometimes it is tempting of course.  A free parentally endorsed sick pass– what I would have given for that 25 years ago!  Sometimes I wish so much that I could stay home and treasure this last mostly good period with her.  Though there’s a lot if stress for me, we spend a lot of time joking and in happy shared moments.  I know Mom treasures her time with me.  She looks forward to when I come home from work to hang out with her.  She loves holidays and snow days when I am home all day.  And mostly I do too; calling in sick for the year sometimes sounds pretty right on.