Not quite the plan

on finding my groove as a 30 something single girl and caregiver for mom with dementia

What we gained in the fire.

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This is the name of one of my favorite songs, a song that I listened to countless times in the weeks after my father’s death.  For me, it captures the nature of grief and our struggle with mortality, a moment that I find myself in again tonight.  I sit here listening tonight to the Mynabirds:

“And I got something I don’t wanna lose.
But I’m learning to let go of you.”

My best friend- also in her mid-30s- lost her mother this week.  It makes me so sad for her, for me, for all of us who lose our parents much too early.  In the story of how life is supposed to go, our kids are supposed to grow up with grandparents.  Our parents are supposed to be there for advice, future Christmases, shared humor and memories, and simply love, for many years to come.

I wander down the hall to check on Mom, who uncharacteristically headed to bed early tonight.  I could not of course simply appreciate this but have decided to worry that this means there is something wrong with her.  She is fine.  Within a moment of me poking my head into her bedroom, Mom and I are laughing about a stupid joke.   Loss reminds me to be grateful for our middle of the night laughter.



Author: notquitetheplan

I am a mid-30s single girl, trying to climb the ladder, get a date... and make sure Mom takes her meds. It's not where I expected to be. But it's where I am and this blog is about embracing that.

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